I was watching a documentary last week about pornography. It had a negative bias to it, definitely pushing the idea that what our culture values in porn will have an effect on how we treat people and think of people in real life. My own experience makes me think that's not really true.
Have you ever felt absolutely disgusted by what turns you on in your head?
I know I have many times. I was sleeping with someone once and we were talking about multiple orgasms. I told him that, even though I'm a girl, I've never had more than one in a day.
"Why?" he asked. "You wouldn't have a refractory period to wait out."
True, but my reasons were completely different. The images that I go to in my mind to get myself off really disturb me.
So once I've orgasmed, I can't stand to keep thinking about it. The pleasure is quickly overwhelmed with disgust and shame. Or it would be, except I just immediately move my mind to something else before I can think too much about it!
To my surprise, he expressed similar feelings about his own fantasies.
Maybe, I thought, most people have some things that both turn them on and creep them out at the same time. Things they would never, ever want to express in real life, but that just gets them over that orgasmic edge for whatever reason they don't understand.
And so I took one of my fantasies that disturbs me and I wrote it into a story.
Let me tell you, writing that story turned me on like crazy! I couldn't believe how hot it was making me. And I thought there must be other people out there who would be turned on by this story too.
My stories tend to be about men being powerless and humiliated. I don't worry about that as much as I used to since I watched that porn documentary and they showed clips from many of the most popular pornos. What they had in common was women being put into submissive and very humiliating situations. So, I just do the same sort of thing to the guys.
Doesn't mean that I'm like that in real life! My boyfriend will tell you, I'm actually very sweet and I like him to be strong and in control. You'd never guess that from reading my stories!
Here's the description of the one I just finished. I'm quite proud of it...
is immobilized by a multitude of broken bones after a skiing accident.
He hires Lucy to take care of him, but she seems to have more of a taste
for torture than comfort and Jack is at her mercy.
***“Lucy? Are you there?” Jack’s hoarse voice was barely
over a whisper. He tried to lift his head to look around the room, but he was
held tightly in place by the brace around his neck, his chin resting on its
molded plastic. He was leaned slightly back in a wheelchair with a pillow
behind him and so, only being able to move his eyes, he couldn’t take in much
of the room. ***